True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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