Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
