ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Randomize
