a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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