So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
