worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
