so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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