jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
