Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
my poor anus
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
