here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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