it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
