Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
