who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i will never coherently bang her
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
