I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
