I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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