watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
