Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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