You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
