Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
