her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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