I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
