Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
