I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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