He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
