dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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