Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
birth control should be required to get into college
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
