Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
