My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
