Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
