I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Drunk is not a location!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
