I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
