yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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