I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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