I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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