How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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