also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
