pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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