Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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