I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
