Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
