My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
