i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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