haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
