She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
