all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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