there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She needs sedatives and a leash
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
