i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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