I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
