Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
