i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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