he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
